filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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