This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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