i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
