I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
