i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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