I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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