i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
