It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
