Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
