I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
