just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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