evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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