Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
