Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
