she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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