he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
