I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
