I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
