I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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