dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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