You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
