At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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