Me. At least after what I've been through.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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