My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
