My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
