Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
