Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
