I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
