Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
