I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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