I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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