the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Rumble strips road head = magical
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
