I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
