Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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