Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
