this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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