I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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