nut hugger
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
