I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
