We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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