8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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