for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
