This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize