I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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