I wish I could teleport
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So much rum. So many feels.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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