i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
