dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
