Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
