Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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