I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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