you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
