Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize