Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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