If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
