I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
