dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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