if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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