He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
