if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Randomize
