hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In America we eat man semen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
