I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've blown a few things in my day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
