some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize