There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
