So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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