He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize