how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
