Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I understand Curling. That high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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