I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
