Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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