One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
