he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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