new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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