Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
