Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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