So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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