If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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