You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
