Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my poor anus
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
