you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
