If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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