I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
