Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
