i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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