2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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