Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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