Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
