I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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