dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
