I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
