At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
BRING THE BAGELS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
