Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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