You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
