so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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