I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
