you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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