Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
