Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
