There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
