guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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